i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
