whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
