listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
