Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
