Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
