remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
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No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
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I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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