So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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