i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
