She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
