So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
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He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
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We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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