Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
