now i know why i became what i already was.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
