is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
