How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
