His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
