I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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