life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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