his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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