im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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