Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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