Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
