I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i believe in u and ur pee
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
