Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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