On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
