My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
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I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
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Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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