My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
do herpes really smell.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
