I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
