We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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