I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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