No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so let's talk penis.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
