I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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