Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
