All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
