No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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