what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Vodka?
Forever.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
