Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
