We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
