where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
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Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
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Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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