dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
