We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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