Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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