My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
