i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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