saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
