if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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