So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
