i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
