Someone shit on the floor
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
