So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Dicks are not precious.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
