Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
