You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
