Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
