oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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