I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
