she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
