I think I died a long time ago.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
