At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
