she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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