I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Drunk is not a location!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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