needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
