im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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