friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
