you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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