You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
