so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
