dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
