It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
