That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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