i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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