Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
