this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
