Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
