Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
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