i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
