She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
